Faith and Love.

     Today is a good day. And I love good days. My friend sent me a verse from 1 Thessalonians this morning. So I decided to make that my reading today. I read the entire fifth chapter and one phrase stuck out so strongly. 

1 Thess. 5:8 "...putting on faith and love as a breastplate..."

     I'm sure I've read this passage several times throughout the years, but this is the first time that this phrase has stuck out. It's crazy good truth. What's a breastplate? What do you use it for? My first thought goes to the movie "How to Train a Dragon", the first weapon they grabbed before fighting the dragons was their shield or breastplate. It was essential to their fight with the dragon. They had to have it to protect themselves. Just in that very way is faith and love supposed to be to us. That whenever we come against any opposition at all we are supposed to cling and grab onto faith and love.

     Realistically, what does that look like? When someone says something rude and ridiculous, you grab your love breastplate. You defend with love. That might be turning the other cheek, but you put on love. You love and encourage that person. This is probably where I struggle the most. I am such a drama queen sometimes. After someone is mean- I immediately want to tell somebody. I feel insecure and hurt and I immediately go to someone else instead of putting on love.

     What does putting on faith look like? The thing I keep thinking about, is dreams. We all have a dream that we would love to do one day. It might be something like becoming the president of the USA, or opening a boutique, or owning a Ferrari, it could be anything. And most of the time, (at least in my experience) whenever we share these ideas and dreams with someone, they aren't nearly as excited as we are. They usually have something to spout back that isn't as encouraging as we had hoped. And this is usually when I get defensive or angry and usually end up crying because someone crushed my dream. But, what are we supposed to do? Put on the breastplate of faith. Believing the things that God has spoken over us. Believing the promises that the Lord left for us in His word.

     It's such a simple phrase. But it has such a life-changing truth to it. Put on faith and love in every circumstance. See what happens. My vow to my fellow bloggers is to this week whenever opposition comes against me to put on my breastplate of love and faith.

    Stand firm my friends, and be moldable by Your Creator.

<3B.

Grief. Isn't an equation.

      It's been a week since I blogged last. And to be honest, I am still numb. I don't know what to feel, what to write, what to say, or how to act. I've never dealt with death and grief. It's surreal. It goes against my heart. I don't want to believe that Pepaw is gone. Nor do I want to deal with moving on. It's pathetic almost. The other night, I put on regular mascara. That's a step, and I was proud. I was making a statement to myself that I wouldn't be sad. That I wouldn't cry. I, of course, cried. And am I mad that I cried? No. Because it is natural. I'm grieving. I looked at the steps of grief... and they didn't help. I don't know what will help- other than clinging to the One who has my heart in mind. Jesus.
     The only thing I know how to do is be emotional. Sometimes, it's not very loving. I get angry and irrational. I get mad over stupid things and don't want to be around anyone. And sometimes all I want/need- is simply for someone to love me and hold me. I get frustrated when I'm having fun. Why? Because I've forgotten that someone so special to me passed away. Should I get frustrated? No. Pepaw would want me to have fun, to laugh, and to continue living my life. But- I guess it's a part of grief.
      I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not a scholar. Nor do I have my doctorate, heck, not even a completed semester of college. I guess I'm at a point where I don't know what to do next with my grief. But I also think, that if someone told me what to do- I wouldn't like it very much.
      So what's my plan? To let out whatever emotion I need to. When I'm happy- I'm gonna be happy. When I need to cry and be sad... I'll do just that. I'll let myself process this loss in my life. It's not something that next week I'm gonna be over. It's something that years from now- I will still struggle with. Maybe not as often, but it'll come up. And that's a lot to get your head around when you've never been through it before.
      I'll stand firm on my Rock. My provider. I'll rest in His Heavenly arms. I know that He will breathe strength into me and that He will hold my hand. I know that Pepaw is in a place where there is no weeping, no hurt, and no pain. And for that, I rejoice. I'll take the memories, the laughs, the cries, the fun times and the hard times... and I'll always remember my Pepaw. I'll remember the things he taught me and I'll be sure to make him proud.
    

Pepaw.

Chelsea and Pepaw last year

I wrote this entire blog on 2 different occasions. First half before he passed and the second after. 

In Loving Memory of my precious Pepaw- William Joseph Gaddis Sr. most commonly known as Billy Sr. 

       Sometimes, it’s comforting to know that God has it all under control. Okay, not sometimes, it's good to know all the time. It is so good that no matter what- God’s got it. I don’t have to worry about things, he cares for me. He keeps his eye on the sparrow, so He’s got His eye on me. He knows what is best for me. And He has the power to reveal it to me. I still have the choice to listen and the choice to obey. But ultimately, God’s got this. 

Life hits. And when life does hit... God is still God. I got 2 calls from my dad yesterday and I wasn’t able to answer them. After the second call, I knew that something wasn’t right. I called him back and was told that my Pepaw (Billy Gaddis, my dad’s dad) was in ICU. He had been loosing fluids and they didn’t know what was wrong. Almost 24 hours later, here I am. Sitting here writing this blog watching Pepaw sleep in his ICU room. To tell you the truth, I hope I don’t get in trouble for having my MacBook out. But, he’s hanging in there. Bless his heart, he’s been through a rough few years medically. This time he had a build up of dried blood in his upper GI area. They cleaned it out, he’s had a minor heart attack, kidney failure, and his esophagus is irritated. Nonetheless, my pepaw is fighting. 

I don’t really even know what to blog about... I always blog about things in my life. And I’ve hit a tough spot. [I quit writing this around 3 oclock Tueday afternoon and got a call around 430 telling me to come to the hospital quick.]

Life has hit. My dearest Pepaw passed away Tuesday at around 5 o clock. It was simply his time to go. He had a hard fight the past 5 years and he was worn out. I’m back at writing this for not any particular reason. I guess to relieve some of my thoughts. It’s 6am and the reality of death is growing. I’ve never really had to experience death. I was so young when Memaw and Grand-Barbara died that this is a new thing for me. When I left the hospital yesterday I thought I was prepared for him to die. A couple of hours before that I had had some Pepaw and Brennen time. He was fast asleep, but that was probably best so he couldn’t argue with me. :) I stood by his hospital bed in ICU and laid my hands on him. I prayed the hardest prayer I’ve had to pray. A prayer of release. Not that I was cursing him, or praying “bad” things on him, but that I was releasing him to do whatever the Lord wanted. I knew that he was in pain and that he was suffering and I didn’t want to wish that back on him. As I patted his hair and he would rearrange himself I had a peace. Thy will not my will Lord. 

I didn’t think that it would be moments after I left the hospital room or did I think it would happen that night. But as my cousin pointed out, it was quitting time. Right around 5pm (and that’s early for Pepaw) he went to be with the Lord. He taught me how to work hard. He taught everyone how to work hard. Even though he would tell me that I had gained weight or that my hair was a mess I knew that was his way of loving me. And when I would leave his office he almost always said. “I love you Bren, you’re beautiful.” He was so precious to me. 

          I remember arguing with him in his red chevrolet pick up truck, with the cell phone in it, about him smoking while we were in the car. I’d be dramatic and act like I was about to choke to death while he would continue to smoke. I remember him taking me on a trip- I don’t remember the details, but I remember that we went. I remember making him stand outside to smoke at our house and laughing at him the whole time. When I would leave my cheek was almost always dripping with slobber from his kisses. I loved sitting on his lap when he'd let me, and I loved going to see him at work. 

He loved me in the best way he knew how. He was a good man. And I honor his life. I will always miss you Pepaw. 

Glimpses of Life

      Today is the day. Our 24 hour prayer day at Promiseland Metro Church is on it's way! We are 2 and a half hours into our 24 and I am already being changed and renewed. I explained this whole process like a mother being pregnant. I feel like I'm pregnant. And that today is delivery day. I'm not the only one either that feels this way. I believe whole heartedly that this prayer movement is birthing something special.
     So, here I am. In the delivery room. Watching a couple cling to each other while in prayer. Watching another young man sold out the Lord seeking his will. Glory! I am seeing glimpses and signs of life. :) It's already been conceived. And I'm beginning to feel the heartbeat of it all. I'm beginning to feel it kick. And I am so excited. I don't know what exactly God is going to birth during these 24 hours, but I do know it's going to be many things. Things for individuals, couples, families, church families, this city, our state, our nation, and people all across the world.
     I posted on my facebook that people could send me texts with prayer requests. I've already received over 10. I am blown away. The time is now. People are hungry. They want more. They know that there is more. Prayer is the avenue of change. Prayer is the road to freedom and breakthrough.
      What are the glimpses of life that you've seen in your own ministries? In your life? Seek after it. And walk into it. The glimpses are beautiful things. I pray I never take it for granted.



So Jesus, thank you for this beautiful day of prayer. Fill up this house with your glory. Overflow our lives. Speak to us. Give us the ears to hear. Give us the obedience to obey. Thank you Jesus. I love you Lord. Amen. 

Gotta Start Somewhere

       Tomorrow morning at 9am my church, Promiseland Metro Church, will begin it's very first full 24 hours in prayer. As I have been planning this "event" I continually get more and more excited; overwhelmed at times, but so excited. I believe with every ounce of my heart that this is the beginning of something that only God can do. I believe that our church is going to begin to grow rapidly. I believe that the Lord is going to move in such a big way. And, I am so excited to see what those precious 24 hours bring.
      I've been looking at big prayer movements, churches that have grown to thousands within 3 years, and rapid moves of God. It amazes and excites me. It makes me thirsty for a move of God so big that the only explanation is "God did it." And I believe it can and will happen. I declare it over Promiseland Ministries and over my own life. But the thing that I have to remind myself instead of getting overwhelmed, is it started somewhere.
      Everything... starts somewhere. Someone had to have had a vision. Walmart, Gap, and Texas Roadhouse all started from someone with a vision and a dream. They wanted it. They worked, sweated, prayed, and did everything that they could to get their "thing" started. It's the same thing with our dreams and visions that the Lord has given us. We have to work towards it... move forward with it.
      For example, one of my life goals is to write a book. I can't simply talk about it, I must begin to write it. (I have 3 pages done, by the way. :)) And I want Promiseland Ministries to grow, I have caught the vision that Pastor Jeff and Melissa have for their church- and I want to do everything that I can to help that vision that the Lord has given them come true. So we work at it. We walk into what God has called us to. We pray and seek God's guidance in moving forward. We plan according to what He has spoken to us. We prepare for the prophesies over our church and our own lives.
      I've had this skewed view of this concept before I fully realized what it meant... I thought, "Well, God told me He'd do it, so I'll sit back and watch." And, sometimes He does.... but other times, and most of the time, He wants you to pursue it. To go after the desires and dreams He's placed in our lives. To walk into our calling. Ephesians 2:10 instructs us to do so.

 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. 

     While I prepare for tomorrows 24 hour prayer service, continue writing my book, and helping with Promiseland, I urge you to walk into what God is calling you to. Step by step. It has to start somewhere. 

Love. 

God, will You clean up my mess?

       I had to ask the Lord to clean up my mess today. A mess I made on my own. He trusted me with something and I made a mess of it. A sticky, horrible mess. There are lots of sticky hands going around because of the mess I made. Embarrassing and humbling all at the same time. And I have no idea how to clean it up. As I was praying about it this morning, I just said, Lord- will you clean up my mess? I'm helpless, I don't know where to start or even how to start. I know it's my mess, but could you clean it up? I was expecting a resounding, make me feel good, "Yes, daughter, I love you! I'll do anything for you. This isn't a mess!" from my Father…. but instead I got silence…. Silence… Silence... Silence... and then "Psalm 46". God is MY refuge and MY strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble, I will not fear. God is still God despite my mess. And God is still 100% capable of restoring it.  Sometimes, there are messes that we just don't know how to clean up. You know when a toddler spills something.... and they try to pick it up but they just make a bigger mess.... that's how I feel in this situation. 

      But, God is still God. And in that I can rest. I can "be still and know that He is God" as the psalmist says. I read Psalm 46 in the Message and liked how it is worded:

^1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. 

   We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, 

      courageous in seastorm and earthquake, 

   Before the rush and roar of oceans, 

      the tremors that shift mountains.

   Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, 

      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. 

 ^4-6 River fountains splash joy, cooling God's city, 

      this sacred haunt of the Most High. 

   God lives here, the streets are safe, 

      God at your service from crack of dawn. 

   Godless nations rant and rave, kings and kingdoms threaten, 

      but Earth does anything he says. 

 ⁷ Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, 

      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. 

 ^8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God! 

      He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, 

   Bans war from pole to pole, 

      breaks all the weapons across his knee. 

   "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, 

      loving look at me, your High God, 

      above politics, above everything." 

 ¹¹ Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, 

      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

     God is God. He is my protector. Provider. Healer. And, today, he is my "cleaner". He's picking up my mess. Don't be afraid to allow God to clean up your mess. To clean up your wounds. Allow God to be God and rest in being a child of God. Some messes I am perfectly able to clean up, and some messes I can do one thing to "help" Him..... but other times, it's just too much. He takes over. And I find my peace... even in the midst of a disaster. 

Good day.

     Good days are fabulous. I love good days. Today was a good day. Why? Coca Cola Classic. Regular customers. & a cute old couple. (Did I mention Coca Cola?) So stinking awesome. I've been MIA with Coca Cola for the past few weeks. But today was a bank holiday- so that meant that I got to drink Coca Cola. It was fabulous. And for the past few weeks my regular and favorite customers at the coffee shop have been MIA, and they all showed up today! And then I had the cutest older couple come in, and the man wanted me to tell him about facebook. I'm pretty sure he is 70 or older. But I loved it. Absolutely loved it.
     I feel so blessed when I have days like today. When I realize the blessings in my life. I woke up this morning and decided that today would be a good day. I declared it. I believed it. And it happened. Which, coca cola was involved... so of course I'm happy. ;) But, nonetheless, the Lord was so good to me today.
     He revealed and confirmed some things for me this morning in my quiet time. I love it when he does that. And I love it when he speaks on my level. He confirmed a dream I had a few months ago today in a scripture. It was good stuff. I serve such a great God. He has blessed me with amazing things in my life. I love my family, my church, my friends, my God, my job, my car, my shoes, and my new jeans. Seriously, thank you Jesus!

     So, if you are still reading- you made it through my ramblings.... but I want to know what makes you have a good day? When was the last time that you had a good day from all of the little things? I'd love to know. :)