The Heart of a Woman.

     Over the past few weeks I have had an incredible heart for women. There are so many wounded and hurt women in this world. We don't always see it at first, they may still be smiling but deep inside of them they are crying. This really breaks my heart. It makes me want to sit down with women, younger and older, and get to know them, their heart, who they really are. Their passions, dreams, and fears. After I heard a [true] story the other day I came to a realization about women in general, women have been told lies their whole life; not only from other people but also from themselves. We tell ourselves that we aren't eloquent, pretty, smart, witty, stylish, fit, [etc....] enough. And we have spoken these lies for so long that we believe them. And this breaks my heart. Women have the capability of mothering and loving people in a way that men do not. We have a motherly instinct in us, we have beauty and zest. We add flavoring to life. And we run and hide from it.
     I have been reading Captivating and this has brought a lot of this to my attention as well. Let me share with you some of the quotes that I really enjoyed reading.
    
     "This well-spring of life [the heart] within us is the very essence of our existence, the center of our being. Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you."

     "We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are."
 
    "That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure- that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this."

     "She yearns to be known and that takes time and inimacy. It requires an unveiling. As she is sought after, she reveals more of her beauty. As she unveils beauty, she draws us to know her more deeply.... Every woman has a beauty to unveil. Every woman. Because she bears the image of God. She doesn't have to conjure it, go get it from a salonn, have plastic surgery or breast implants. No, beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation... There is a radiance hidden in your heart that the world desperately needs."

     The books spends quite a bit of pages on the woman's beauty. And I think that that says something. We are beautiful. We are destined to show beauty. Not a size 0, gorgeous locks of hair and long legs kind of beauty but a beauty that shines from the inside out. And we all desire it, and we have it. We are scared to have the very thing that we desire so much. We are scared to unveil it. It takes trust to bring that out of a woman. We are so wounded by the words that have been spoken over us. When it is time to break those strongholds and tell the devil to watch out- there is beauty that is about to be unveiled. It may take some soul searching, long talks over coffee, crying, and seeking God and his plan for us, but that beauty will be unveiled. It's a part of growing up. You have to get to the root of it. Just like a weed, if you just cut it off it'll resurface one day.

     I am not entirely sure that there is any other way to discover who we are other than spending some one on one time with the Lord in our prayer closet. And being honest with ourselves and with God. The cool thing about it- is nothing that we say to God will surprise Him. So have comfort in that. Let's be the women that God has created us to be. Let's be radiant in our beauty. The King is enthralled by your beauty! (Ps. 46:11) Memorize that verse. It's a good one. Let's discover ourselves and be healed and restored from our wounds and become the beautiful woman of God that He created us to be.




Beauty draws us to God

Job.

I have decided to attempt something that will be very challenging to me. I read about it on another ladies blog... B90x. You read through the entire bible in 90 days. This is kind of crazy to me.. and I really am not sure what makes me want to do this, other than a desire to know God- know his heart- know his desires. I am going to push though these 3 months and try to read for understanding and wisdom. I believe that God will reveal himself to me clearly and in ways I haven't imagined. So I have made it to Day 2 successfully. I also am reading through the Bible chronologically, which I am so very excited about. We did a workshop in one of the classes in Panama on David, and one of his psalms was in there admist the stories and I loved knowing why David was praying what he was praying. So I am excited to learn about the timeline of the Bible.
     Today my reading was on Job.. 16 chapters... (Day 2... Job was early on in the Bible) And in the midst of these 16 chapters a lot happens to Job. He is stripped of everything he has- his job, his family, his health, his money, everything. So three friends come to comfort him. I tried to imagine myself going through that in the extent that Job went through it. And then having friends come... and one of the things I realized is that through all of Job's cries to God all he wanted was to hear from God. His friends offered him advice but that wouldn't do. He wanted to hear the voice of God.
     Where my reading stopped today he was still crying out to God. And frustrated that his friends weren't telling him what he wanted/needed to hear. I find myself doing the same thing Job is doing. He wants to hear from his friends what God is trying to say. But God's saying- "No, I want you to want to hear through me." So many times I pray- and I pray to receive prophesies, dreams, words from my peers, visions... all of this. And lately I feel like God has been whispering to me- "Brennen, all of this is good and I will give these things to  you. But I want you to desire my voice, directly from me. I want you to listen to me first. Give me time to talk. It may take a little bit- there's some battling going on... You are in this time for a reason. Listen. Wait. Don't get impatient. Wait on me."
     I don't know if this even makes sense to anyone else. But it does to me. All of those things are ways that God speaks to me and other people. But I, Brennen, have gotten caught up in those things- instead of getting caught up in the Holy Presence of the Almighty God.

     Lord- Speak directly to me, from your mouth to my ears. Give me the ears to hear, open up my deaf ears to hear your voice. Help me to get lost in You and not lost in the "stuff". I love you Lord. Amen.