Enjoy the Walk

     You are living someone else's dream. I'm almost positive of it. So don't take where you are for granted. I am the absolute worst at this. I am a dreamer. I am constantly thinking about the next thing. But- someone is wanting to be where I'm at, and I bet where you are. They want to work at the coolest coffeeshop in town and be a badbooty barista. And when I start school- there is someone that is going to want to be pursuing their passion at the Art Institute.
     If you are a mom- and you feel disgusting and think all you ever do is wipe snotty noses and poopy bootys- I want to be you! :) And I'm sure someone else does to. Or if you are a wife- and you are walking all over your husband..... step back. Because someone else is wanting to be you. They want a husband to love and cherish. Even if you are eating out of a garbage can behind a restraunt. I bet someone just wants a trashcan with food in it. Or someone wants a trashcan. It's so simple.... but it's so true.
     So- do whatever you are doing right now- with your whole heart. Do it with excellence.

   God has totally been dealing with me about it. He wants me to dream. He wants me to go after my passion. He wants me to be fulfilled... but he also wants me to be thankful and to enjoy where I'm at.

God spoke this to me tonight and I want to share it with you:
"Daughter- [son]. I see you. I see your hard work. It doesn't go unnoticed. I love you. I want you to have an upgrade, I want you to have that promotion. But don't rush it. In due time. I promise- I'm never late... I'm on time. Pursue your passions.... walk into the things I'm giving you, but please, beloved, enjoy the walk."

Enjoy today. It's so easy to get caught up in the little things. Trust me, that is what brought me to the point of writing this. I'm a mess... I get so caught up in the things that mean nothing... and all God wants me to do is enjoy today. To look at today's blessings... and move forward.

My Top 5 Ways of "Enjoying the Walk":
1. Stay thankful. Thank God throughout the day for the little things. Ex: a front row parking spot, a cold Coca Cola, or that you are alive.
2. Find beauty. In everything- there is something beautiful. If there isn't- you probably shouldn't be in that place anyways. But- in most every place/ situation there is something that is beautiful. Find it and enjoy it.
3. Smile. It's contagious.
4. Look forward to tomorrow. Set goals- and achieve them. Move forward.
5. Help someone else enjoy their walk, or to step into their calling. It's not all about "me" all the time. Do something little or something big for someone. They will appreciate it.

Generations.

     I love it when God refreshes me. Especially when he revives a passion that I have forgotten about. He chose this week to do it once again. I have this vision/dream of several generations of people coming together to pour into each others lives. Like a line of mentors and mentorees.
     Here's why I love this idea. Everyone wants someone to believe in them. If you say that you don't, I bet you're lying. We all desire and crave people to tell us we are on the right track, encourage us to push forward, and someone to believe our wildest dreams/goals with us.
     With that being said- I also believe that Godly wisdom is so key in this process. I have a young girl that I mentor. (I have not been doing a good job at all lately. Lili- coffee date asap) But- what I have found is that when Lili and I go to have coffee- I end up learning much more than I could ever teach her. She is 15 (maybe 14) years old, beautiful inside and out, full of life, and has a knock out voice. And as she tells me her struggles, her goals, her strengths- I learn from her. I absolutely love her pureness of heart. She is not jaded. She's true to herself and to others. And she lives her life like that.
     But- there are some things that come up (or that will come up) that I don't know the answer to- and that's where my vision gets it heartbeat. If you have a set of women or men at these ages: 15, 25,  35, 45, 55, 65, 75, 85, etc. Think of everything that you could learn just talking about one subject. It's amazing!
     I believe that some time in my life I will see this plan in action. And I hope to be right in the middle of it- at any of those ages! We can all learn from each other. At the age of 20- I need some wisdom on how to handle my finances from someone in their 80's.... and I can learn about the newest technological way to do them with someone in their 20's. I want to learn from people that are older and younger than me. I want to teach people that are older and people that are younger than me things so they don't have to go through them.

     Ultimately, I just want someone to believe in me. Someone to think I can do it. Someone to kick my butt when I'm slacking. And someone to drink coffee with  every now and then. ;)

Fun Alone.

     Snow day bliss. I'm not even in school- but I did get a snow day today. We closed the coffeeshop so I have been enjoying a day of nothing. Literally. I'll be totally honest- It's 4:30pm and I'm still in my pajamas. I've watched 2 movies and some tv. And have had a coca cola classic by my side. (I'm horrible at not drinking cokes when I say I'm not going to do it.)  It's been great. When I first woke up and realized that I didn't have anything to do- I started getting a little sad- because I wanted to do something. I wanted to be with friends- playing in the snow. But then I changed my mind. I decided it was time I had fun by myself.
     Yep, it is possible to do it. And I have had a BLAST today all by myself. After the second movie- I started craving ChexMix.... not the kind you get out of the bag- but the real deal- baked in my own oven Chex Mix. So that's what I did. I documented the entire process with my cool camera app:

 

 

Not only did I make Chex Mix.... but I also made "Muddy Buddies" Looking at the recipes on the box- I decided to try it out.... YUMMMMMY. 

 

     And I have had so much fun. I found myself smiling and enjoying myself. I even cleaned up after myself ( mom, aren't you proud). I found myself lost in Brennen land and loving every bit of it. And I think it was a healthy- good- and needed day. We all need time where we enjoy ourselves. We have to do something that makes us come alive. Or if we are so busy- and have lots on our minds- then we need to escape and get lost in a movie. (or 2, and I'm sure 2 more later tonight). 

     The thing is, God is soo good. After I made all of this yummy snack food I found myself in the Word. Soaking up who God is and realizing his love for me. He delights in me. He is enthralled by my beauty. He honors me. He LOVES me.  And He loves YOU as well. God will do the things that he has promised you. He wants you to be happy and fulfilled. He wants your desires to be filled- and he wants your love. He gets jealous when you don't love Him. He paints the most beautiful pictures for you. He has the bestest plan out there for you. And He wants you to be the best you out there. If your name is John- then be the best John. If your name is Suzy- then be the best Suzy. My name is Brennen and I want to be the best Brennen. And today- I've enjoyed me, myself and Brennen. 

Brennen, It's Time for a Pep Talk!

     I am a note taker. I have to write stuff down to remember it. I have to write stuff down to process it. If I don't write it down.... it's trouble. Pastor Jeff has some powerful messages... the revelations God downloads into him are noteworthy. But the note that I have written on top of my papers these past few weeks during the sermon has been this: Brennen- Get your stuff together!
     What's funny is that a couple of months ago I was telling my mom I wanted to slap some people and them them to get their crap together. And now- I want to slap myself and say, "Get it together!" But in reality, it's tough getting it together. It's a conscious decision that has to be made. And you have to continue to make it until it becomes a habit.
     I struggle with time management and prioritizing. Sometimes I put sleep, myself, my fleshly desires to come before God. I'd rather get the extra 30/45 minutes of sleep instead of getting up and getting my mind renewed with God. Or, I'd rather do absolutely nothing on facebook at night than get things accomplished. So, Brennen- it's time to get your time management together!
     I also have a dominating personality. I absolutely hate it when I come home from hanging out with people and thinking, "You dominated that whole conversation, you didn't even let anyone speak." So Brennen, it's time to get your listening skills on and let some people talk.
     Pastor Jeff gave a message tonight that spoke directly to my heart. It was all about getting your stuff together. He had great points. (Godly spin on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). You have to be deliberate about it. You have to live intentionally or life will pass right by you and before you know it- you have gray hair and your sitting on a rocking chair saying "what the heck did I do with my life!?" I have NO desire to do that! I want to have gray hair, sit on a rocking chair (with my smokin' hot [old] husband, talking about how great God moved in my life and how He is still moving.
     So Brennen, it's time to get intentional. I have to give myself pep talks. I'm glad you could join this one. :)

Whispers.

I love when God whispers to the very depths of my hearts. It's not audible... but I like that it isn't audible. It's spoken straight to my heart so my ears don't even have to hear it. It's just a knowing voice. When God whispers into my heart I know it's Him. And tonight He whispered one of the sweetest, life altering things to me.
     Tonight at Metro our worship came to a point where we could feel the love of God. Adam told us to ask God two questions: 1. What were You thinking when You made me? and How much do You love me? God answered me very quickly with, "You are worthy." The reality of what God spoke to me didn't hit me until I was getting ready for bed. When God spoke it to me, I questioned it and thought that I was praying it to God.... but no. God was/is telling me that I am worth it. That YOU are worth it. He loves me and He loves you more than we can comprehend.
     In Matthew 10:31 He tells us that we are worth more than many sparrows. Our God is so in love with us. He absolutely, positively, head over heals in love with us. Know what YOU are worth to God. Know how much He loves you, how proud He is of you, how beautiful He thinks you are. [Shabbbba!]
     God sings a new song over me and over you. His mercies are new every morning.... so if you messed up last night- it's all good, you're covered for tomorrow! :) (And covered for tonight...) God's grace and love is so BIG. He's not mad at you. He LOVES you. HE LOVES ME!

     The thing is- before I asked God this- I got scared.... a fear of rejection came over me.... which is crazy. Because I was asking the Lord of creation and I've known and have been taught about God's love for my entire life- so I should KNOW that the Lord is not going to reject me.... but the fear still came over me. The thing is, fear is not from God. Satan does not want you to know how much you are worth. Because when you know how much you are worth you shake things up. You change culture, you change the world. 

     So push through the fear- and ask God... What were you thinking when you made me? and How much do you love me? And then- go watch this video on Kim Walker's encounter with this. 

Embrace Your Greatness: Adam Kees

Here's a FABULOUS blog post from a friend, Adam Kees, click here for more of his blog posts. 

Embrace Your Greatness!

If you have the audacity to embrace the greatness put in you, people are going to mock you.They will scoff, they will laugh. They will tell you that you can’t do it, they will tell you that you are crazy. They will try anything to keep you from pushing past the norm into that magnificent place where your talents and giftings collide with the power of Throneroom blessing.

Your Creator, Our God in Heaven, has put things in you that you are passionate about. It doesn’t matter if that passion is in the vein of the usual “churchy” gifts; i.e. teaching, preaching, music, mission work, etc. It doesn’t matter if it’s something that people haven’t traditionally used to glorify God. Your love for fixing cars, designing clothes, flipping houses, politics, pet grooming, business, fitness, cooking, or whatever else has been put in you by God. If the Bible is not telling you it's sinful, then it's probably from Heaven :)

You know it’s your passion because the way it makes you feel alive, the way it moves your heart in a way hardly anything else can. That feeling is what makes your passion special.You already have an inherent drive and motivation to do these things, and do them well, because it’s what you naturally get pleasure from. It’s easy to do things you enjoy!

It’s also that zeal which will cause people to take notice. Bill Johnson, the lead pastor ofBethel Church in Redding, California, says, “When I live out of discipline, I am admired; when I live out of passion, I am contagious.” Everybody can tell when you are doing something you love. It’s obvious. When you talk about what you’re doing your eyes light up, there is excitement in your voice, and nobody can get you to shut up about it :) It’s infectious. Sometimes I’ll get excited with you just from listening—even when it’s an area I could care less about!

So what is your passion? And why aren’t you living it out? I don’t care how normal (or unorthodox) you think your passion is, if you purpose it in your heart to live it out and line it up with the Word of God to bring glory to the Father, you can be an earth shaker. A business mogul. A fashion icon. A TV fitness guru. A sold-out, Spirit-filled, President of the United States of America.

Don’t let those that laugh at you keep you from your pursuit. Let’s be real: most of them don’t want you to go after your dreams because they are sitting around not pursuing theirs.The prospect of you doing something you love and wildly succeeding at it makes them uncomfortable…and maybe even a little jealous. If they’ve given up on their dreams, or bought into the lie that says they are insignificant and can’t possibly make a difference in this world, then you going after your passions just might get them all kinds of messed up.

You have to be ok with the fact that a lot of people are going to hope you don’t succeed.You have to know from the start that when you embrace the greatness that lies within you that people who have settled for average will oftentimes try to convince you to settle for average as well. On the one hand, as referenced above, your passion is contagious; on the other hand, to some people, you are absolutely scary.

* * * * *

I’ve made up my mind that I’m not going to maintain mediocrity so that I can keep other people feeling comfortable. Does that decision ruffle some feathers? Yes. Does it damage some relationships? Unfortunately, yes. But that decision also unleashes the potential for greatness to flow out of me. It’s a decision that’s well worth the cost. I hope you join me.

Forms=nofun

I really don't want you all to have a heart attack.... but I'm just gonna tell you what's up.... I applied for school. I know! I can't believe it either.... I have no idea if I'll be accepted OR if I'll be able to afford it..... but that brings me to the reason of my post. Forms. I am horrible at filling out fafsa, and scholarships, and things like that.... absolutely horrible. And I despise it on top of that...
     But sometimes, you just have to do what you don't want to do. It may help in the long run. (Fafsa is a bad example- because.... even though I am a "good girl", made good grades, never drank, never had sex, never whatever.... It's difficult for me to get financial aid.. Which is crap and ticks me off... because I'm actually serious about it... not just wasting the governments money.) Okay, ranting aside..... God will provide if this is what He wants me to do.
     I don't know what you've had to do in the past weeks that you haven't enjoyed- but I sympathize with you! I'm sorry you had to do it.... I'm sure it was as dreadful as me filling out Fafsa.... but I'm praying that goodness, favor, and endless opportunities comes from us doing what we don't like to do sometimes.

Life- it's a rollercoaster. I've learned to embrace it. I'm about to post a post from a friend about pursuing your passions.... be sure to check it out. :)

Freedom in Fire.

This morning I have been playing pretend mommy but with 3 (real) sweet kiddos (also known as babysitting). As I was waiting for them to wake up I got out my bible and asked the Lord where He wanted me to read. Daniel 3 came to mind and I flipped there. I see the heading, "The Image of Gold and the Fiery Furnace" and I'll admit, I cringed. I'm not much on history, so the Old Testament is hard for me to read.... especially when they start talking about measurements and all these names that I can't pronounce. But I felt like God was going to speak into me through this passage so I read. I honestly couldn't tell you the background without going back and looking it up again.... but the 3 amigos: Shadrach, Meshach and Abedenego got thrown into a fire for standing up for the Lord and not bowing down to the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.
      Yep, I said it..... fire! Thrown into a fiery furnace that got turned up so they would for sure die. The king questioned them and asked them once again to bow down to the image and they said no. The spoke in confidence that God would save them from the fiery furnace. The king was angry with them so the furnace was turned up 7 times higher than the orginal heat. He ordered them to be thrown in (tied up together) The gaurds did as told and took them to the furnace. The gaurds that threw them in didn't survive because of the heat........ but the 3 amigos.... walked in freedom. Not tied up. Walking in freedom. When the king looked back he saw 4 men walking in the furnace.
      The Lord had sent an angel. The 3 amigos and an angel hanging in the furnace in complete freedom. This occurance changed the king's life and I'm sure had a huge impact on history. These 3 men changed culture. Even in the midst of fire they were still able to walk in freedom.
     So- no matter what attack is coming against you, whatever you're going through- there is freedom that you can walk in. Choose God. Choose Freedom. It's that simple. Life isn't always easy.... but it's a lot easier to make it through the circumstances with God on your side.
     If God is on Your side, who can be against you? If God is on your side, who can be afraid?

Where the Spirit of the Lord is- there is freedom.

JUSTIFICAsin.

     Conviction and sinning are not the same thing. You can sin and not have conviction. I've always tried to justify my sin with saying, "Well, I'm just not convicted about that." These past few weeks I've learned that that is a character flaw and that is me being content with living in sin. Which, is no bueno!
     I refuse to live in sin. That is my heart's desire. To be sinless. Granted, I mess up, please do not get me wrong. I am working on quite a few things right now... and I will continually be a work in progress. However, I have come to the realization that sin is sin and God doesn't like it, so I need to stop.
     For example, speeding. Yep. I'm calling myself out. I was on a roll for a while, and I wasn't speeding... but with life getting busier- I'm back in the habit of it. But, it's a law..... so I must obey it. So- if you're riding with me in the car- please feel free to call me out on speeding. ;)
      I/ we must get to the place in our lives where we don't go off of conviction, but we go off of the heart of God. If it is not pleasing to God then I must not do it, regardless of if I feel bad about it. My jealous heart must quit being jealous. Jealousy is not of God... so it shouldn't be of me. I must be faithful with the little things in my life so that I can handle the big things.

     I don't know if that made sense to you........ or it may have just been a rant........ but it's something that has been so heavy on my heart lately. Justification of sin is a sin. It's a character flaw. And I need to work on it.

My Wish List

     I have some things that I would love to have, some are ridiculous and only by a miracle could I actually own them.. and then some are super easy and doable. Have fun knowing my secret wish list. :)

Hot nails. Fo sho. 

 iPhone 4.... 

 iPad. it'd be so much easier than carrying my MacBook. dumb, I know. 

Yep, nothing but a miracle would get me this. A LV oversized tote purse.... I'm not even into name brand purses, but something about the way it looks, I just like it. 

I am into name brand jeans. Some Mek Straight Leg jeans would be awesome. 

I'll take a gas card LOADED with this one. 

Cute riding boots. 

Canon 7D. I need to sell my Nikon. 

Cute jacket. 

Yummmmmy coca cola. 

I think they are cute. And cozy. 

And, a Kindle. 

Yep, now you know a little more about me and my unrealistic/ and some of them just stupid things that I want. But it's the truth. Love me or leave me.....

<3B

Unseen Things

     Have you ever been in a position where you do the things that no one sees? And then no one even notices? You do all the behind the scenes work that builds the foundation for someone else to come in and do something that didn't take much preparation and they get all the fame for it. It's no fun. I was having a pity party the other day and a lightbulb went off in my head.
     Think of the things that God does that He doesn't get thanked for. Think of the prayers He answers without a thank you. What about the things He does to protect us. That we aren't even aware of. I believe He does it. I believe that He will save me from some things that should have came into my path but He protects me from it. Or you've heard the stories where a "bad guy" was going to break in a car, or rape a girl in a dark alley when she was walking alone but they didn't because they said someone was there. Perhaps, the Lord sent an angel to protect us from that.
     Sometimes we think that the Lord isn't doing anything for us, or that He isn't answering our prayers. But He is. And sometimes he's protecting you from having to say a prayer. Mind blowing thought, right? We all have something to be thankful for. God is moving inside of you, He is at work in Your life, He sees the things you do in the secret place. He loves you.

Holiness

     A few years ago I read the first chapter of a book that changed my life. I don't remember a certain quote or anything like that in the book read, and I actually just tried to read the first chapter again and got bored with it and put it down. But it changed my life- the concept I learned from that first chapter, changed my life. A call to holiness. (The book is "Holiness" The heart God purifies. by Nancy DeMoss)
     A life of mediocracy and just getting by isn't going to cut it. As children of God, we are called to life of holiness. Not perfection, holiness. A life totally devoted to God. God will not call you to something that He  won't enable you to do.  He is fully capable of empowering you to do His will. As I read through the pages of the book now this quote sticks out- "True holiness is cultivated in the concept of a relationship with God. His love for us moves us to reject all lesser loves and all the fleeting delights sin can offer."

     We are called to represent Christ in every aspect of our life. It is the reality of living out this love God has given us from the inside out. Allowing our hearts to be the motivation to "do good things". Not our minds or society that tell us it's the "right" thing. But opening yourself up to a move of God in your life so big that it has to radiate out in a pure and genuine manner. 

     

"And yes, Holiness requires intensity and intentionality!" -Hebrews 12:14

    It's a choice that we make. And it's one that brings life and freedom. The decision to choose holiness is a decision that will change your life in the best way possible. I am not a scholar on holiness, in my life I simply try to choose the things that Jesus himself would choose. I'm not perfect, I mess up. But, I'm getting better. And that's the concept. Constantly growing. Constantly moving forward. And constantly being stretched by truth. 

     The book really isn't that much of a bore- I'm just ancy right now, so pick it up and read it. It'll go more in depth on the topic of holiness. But for now- When you choose purity and holiness you choose freedom. 

Purity Brings Freedom.

     One of my biggest passions in life is purity. The other one is holiness. Holiness and purity. I believe as children of the Most High God that we are called to a life that pursues both of these. They are verbs in and  of themselves. It's a call to action. I'm going to break this blog into two posts. Today's we'll talk about purity.

     This whole week my life has been screaming the word purity at me. Purity in every aspect of my life... not just refraining from sex. Dictionary.com gives this definition: freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc. Purity is an invitation from God to become like him. In 1 John 3:3 it says, "Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure." We are to become like Christ, so we are to purify ourselves. To free ourselves from anything that will pollute it. It's a process. It's a daily decision, and most days its multiple decisions to purify ourselves. It's a chocie to live accoriding to His word. (Psalm 119:9).

 

     One of my focuses is to be pure in heart. I want my life to be a life that is lived out from the inside. I want my insides to be so pure. My thoughts, my desires, my everything- to be pure. This may be extreme, but I firmly believe that purity brings freedom. And I want to live a life of freedom. When I talk to someone and they are sharing their heart with me, I want to genuinely be interested, not faking it till I make it. It's a daily process of checking my heart to see if it's in lines with God's. Checking if my life is in alignment to heavens. I want heaven to invade this earth, and my heart.

 

     The other part of purity is fleeing from sexual immorality. Yep, sex. The other day I had a woman of God ask me why I was waiting to have sex until my wedding night. And I had to stop and really think of what my heart's motives and desires were for waiting. So this is the response I sent her:

 

     "I have always wanted to wait, basically, because my parents engraved it in my head that I had to wait and that sex was bad. I mean, dad gave me a purity ring when I was 16- I was stuck for waiting if I was going to wear the ring. ;) So I just knew that I had/have to wait. It never really became my hearts desire until I seriously began praying for my husband. One day I was praying for this ideal great man for me to marry and the Lord spoke to me in a very Jesus voice. :) And checked me and said- "Are you the type of woman that this man your praying for deserves?"
      After this encounter I immediately checked myself and my reasoning for waiting to have sex. I decided on that day that the next guy I kissed/dated would be my husband. I did this because I had to get extreme with myself- I knew that if I didnt that it would be a constant problem for me. [I know that God has the power to reveal to my future husband and myself that we are the ones He designed each other for. I know that I know that I know that God can handle this. He can give my man the courage to approach me, and we can navigate our ways through this cycle of courting/dating with his help and his wisdom.] I am in the process of working on me right now- and preparing myself as the type of woman that the husband I desire deserves.

But here are my top reasons to wait:
-It's biblical. Jesus said it. I do it.
-My husband deserves a WHOLE me. Not a Brennen that has been given to man after man.
-On my wedding night I only want to think about my husband. I don't want any other images in my head of another man. (This goes into pornography/ oral sex/ roaming hands/ all of that..... none of that crap- I say it's sex to.)
-Even if I know that it is my husband and we aren't married yet- I will still wait. Why? Because marriage is designed specifically for marriage. When you have sex with someone you become soul ties. And a part of you is taken with them. You remember them forever. In my marriage I want to give my husband the best that I can give him.
-It's sexy. To say that you are a virgin is sexy. To say that you are waiting for the man God has for you is even more sexy. If I do say so myself, I think it is for a guy to say it.... so I'd say the same for women too. :) Yep. You can be holy and sexy, just saying.
-Obedience to God. When you obey God- He honors that. Obedience brings breakthrough. It's just a good thing. I want a marriage of breakthrough, so I choose to honor my husband even before it's been revealed that he is my husband.

 

 

     It's a choice, as women we're called to bring our husbands good, not harm, all the day of our lives. (Pr. 31:12) So, all the days of my life- I choose to wait for him. I choose to honor him. And I believe that God will honor that. And that my man will be [an extremely gorgeous] man of God. And that he will be so glad I chose the road of purity.

     Please know that God is also a God of redemption. And if you have messed up in the past- that God forgives you. Nothing that you have done is too much for God to handle. He loves you exactly where you are and He can bring you through it. If you have had sex before or have just gone too far- then I believe that God can make you new. You are a new creation- the old is gone, and that you can choose from this point on that you will live a life of purity. And your purity will bring freedom.

     If you can't tell this is my passion. I'm in the process of writing a book for it, and I may even include this blog entry in my book. I hope that you know that I am not perfect. I mess up and will always be in the learning process of living a life of purity. Sometimes my heart is the farthest thing from pure, but it's a process and it's a daily decision. And I believe it's possible. God will not call you to anything you can't handle with Him. Everyone has a past, but everyone has a future... allow God to do something amazing with your future.

 

:)B

God's giftings.

Guessssss what!? I found something I can do with my talents and gifting to make some money! For the holiday season I will be offering myself to decorate your Christmas tree! I can use what you have at home- or I'd be more than happy to go and pick out all new ornaments for you. Check out my facebook page and see the small fun tree I did today for my work! Message me on there if ya want me to help ya out! :) AND..... I will also wrap your Christmas presents. I worked in a fabulous boutique and learned how to wrap like a pro- and make a bow out of a ribbon.... so let me know if you want my skills ;).

Learning.

     For the first time in a while, I am in a place where I don't exactly know what I'm doing. I don't have it all together. I'm in a constant state of learning and also in a constant state of messing up. I'm not used to being "administrative" all the time. Granted, I am fully capable and can do it well and have experience. But most of the time only with one event, not six.  I am on a new adventure of learning how to be all the roles that I am in. Leader, servant, admin, worshipper, barista, etc, etc... And it's difficult. But what I am learning is that I have to learn. I have to be teachable. Or else, I will not prosper in my roles.
     In Proverbs 14:6 (MSG) it says, "Cynics look high and low for wisdom- and never find it; the open-minded find it right on their doorstep!" I can not be the skeptical Brennen. My life will not work like that, I will be frustrated and angry all of the time. I have to be open-minded to new ideas, new ways of doing things, and new processes. Being teachable is one of the most important things in my walk with God. If I am not teachable then how will I ever grow?
     To be teachable also means you have to be willing to "unteach" yourself some things as well. With learning comes unlearning. And this is where I struggle. Because it becomes an internal battle. A battle of the mind most of the time for me. I have to take thoughts captive, replace them with truth, and act in truth. I have to make my mind up that I am going to learn this new truth. Your internal lifestyle determines your external actions.  What you decide in your mind will come out. It's just a truth.
     It's a lifestyle of surrender that brings freedom. Surrender to everything that once was and allowing God to redefine it for you. Some things from the past will still remain, because it's still truth, but some things will be replaced with something far greater. Soak it in. Soak it up. Live it out. Inside to the outside.

Blogging: Solution to my Dilemma

     One of the things that I find myself talking about constantly is people's passions. What makes them come alive. What they love to do. One of the things we believe and teach at my church is to use the God given passions for his glory and also for an income. For the past month I have been searching my brain for what makes me come alive. And to be honest, I'm worn out. Why?
     I'll share an example. Today, I got to hold the sweetest 4(ish) month old baby for a good little bit. I got to watch him fall asleep. And I came alive. Example 2. His name is Valor, and he's 2 years old. He saw Chelsea (twin) at church when he first came in and got really excited and was smiling and pointing- then when he looked closer he realized it wasn't "Bennen" and got sad. But when I waved- he got excited again. And I came alive.
     So why am I worn out? Because one of the things I desire is not yet mine. I am content and fully aware that God will bring- first, a husband into my life at the right timing. And after that will bring children. And that He has the perfect plan, timing, and man for me. But it's this waiting process that I get a little tired. And this afternoon as I held the baby and then later on played with sweet Valor I realized what made me come alive. Pretending to be a mom.
     I also talked to a mother today about her young daughter who was very nurturing. She said she got her a kitty so she'd have something to take care of... brilliant! The mom is helping her daughter develop one of the sweetest personality traits/ gifts in her life. And that is exactly what I need to do. God has given me this gift. He has given me this desire and love to care for a husband and children. But in this time of waiting- I can help "nurture" other things. I can always play pretend mommy. There are plenty of things and people that need to be loved. So I will do just that. I am no longer worn out. God will show me and teach me how I can make an income doing this...... or he'll reveal another passion in my life... I am certain of it. :)

AND..... this waiting process is actually an anointing process..... maybe I'll blog about that soon....

     I will add that I am horrible at laundry. And I apologize to my husband and my kids in advance for it. Maybe by then I'll be good at it. ;)

     I have blogged myself through this dilemma. Score.

Broken Volume Control.

     You never realize the things that bring so much joy to your life until it's gone. In July my gorgeous [identical] twin sister used my car while I was in LA. When I got home and got in the car- she began to giggle. And then gave me this sheepish "I did something wrong face." And explained to me that somehow my volume button broke on my radio. 3 months later, I am still grieving the death of my volume button. It is stuck at a comfortable volume 10. Which, is great when I have a headache, or if someone is in the car where there is uncomfortable silence. However, it is not so great when I'm trying to talk on the phone or when I simply want to JAM to some music. I have become fully aware of my inability to sing consistently or good. And quite frankly, I'm ready to be able to sing again without hearing myself. :)

     I was going to write this blog on something totally different then what is about to come out of these quickly moving fingers. The Lord just quickened my spirit and let me in on a revelation. There are "volume buttons" in my life that need to be broken at a comfortable 10. Why? So I can see some of my faults. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my volume button on life is on mute! See my last blog post and you can realize that I am in a state of change. God has revealed to me that I am a control freak and a few other things on how I live my life that are not so Godly.

     It's so easy to just turn it up and ignore it. To drown it out. Pay no attention to it. And let it get worst. But God has a different plan. It's not that He wants to make you feel horrible- it's that it is simply a part of life. We live and we learn. We make mistakes, we stand up, and move on. My precious Savior wants the best for me. And sometimes I have to come to a reality of the things I'm struggling with so I can be redeemed. Redemption is the Lord's heart cry. He wants you back. He wants to restore and rebuild.

     What are the things you cover up? It's not bad to be vulnerable. It brings you to a place of intimacy with the Lord. I am by no means an expert on this, or I would have realized years ago my control problems. Because it's been going on since birth. For real. That's how bad it is. :) Feel free to pray for me this week as I let go and Let God take care of things for me. As I draw people toward instead of pushing them away when things don't go my way. It goes against everything I have taught my mind. My God is so capable of redeeming, restoring, loving, teaching, comforting, and rebuilding me. Just like He's capable of doing the same for you.

Heaven invades Brennen.

     My mind is on overload right now. I am being stretched and pulled in the best way possible. God has wrecked my life for the ordinary. These past 2 weeks have been crazy good for me. Not the easiest by any means, but... so good. Why? Because I am on information/ revelation download from the Lord. He is teaching me and totally rearranging my mindset to be His mindset. It's a total brainwashing experience. I'm pretty sure that makes some of you step back and wonder if I'm experiencing Jesus or something psycho.
     No worries...... it's all Jesus. It is simply the renewing of the mind process. My mind just needs a lot of renewing. I have some bad "mind" habits that have to be broken. And it has totally wrecked my life. Forgive me if you are tripping out while you sit reading my blog- that is normally reader friendly and polite. But God is wrecking my life and I LOVE it! And I'm praying that God wrecks yours in the best way possible!

Here are some things that are changing my life:
-I was not made to fit God into a box. God is so much bigger than what I can imagine.

-I must allow Him to freely work through my life. Exactly where I am at. I need to get to the place where I submit to His will even in the middle of Target. If God prompts.. I must obey.

-Sometimes, things don't make sense. Choose Jesus. He makes sense.

-I must love people the way God loves me. God does not control me. I must stop controlling people.

-My life must be lived from an inward out change. Not outward in... that will never last.

-It is okay to change. It is okay to be wrong. God is not afraid of my mistakes at all. He can pick me back up when I fail.

-I must pursue the life of Jesus. Heaven is my example.

-My waiting is also an anointing process. God is preparing the anointed husband/job/ opportunities/ etc. for me. I am required to continue to pursue the things He's calling me to.


     And there is so much more that I am learning that is changing my carnal mindset. My heart's desire is to be more like Christ. But the thing I am learning- is that doesn't take me loosing all of the "Brennen" in me. He wants to use me and my passions to further His kingdom. He wants me to love people the best that I can while I pursue a lifestyle of holiness and of Jesus. I want more of Him in me. I want to be brainwashed by my Savior. And if that means I'm wrecked for life then I'll be wrecked for life. But Heaven is invading my life and I LOVE IT. :)

Faith and Love.

     Today is a good day. And I love good days. My friend sent me a verse from 1 Thessalonians this morning. So I decided to make that my reading today. I read the entire fifth chapter and one phrase stuck out so strongly. 

1 Thess. 5:8 "...putting on faith and love as a breastplate..."

     I'm sure I've read this passage several times throughout the years, but this is the first time that this phrase has stuck out. It's crazy good truth. What's a breastplate? What do you use it for? My first thought goes to the movie "How to Train a Dragon", the first weapon they grabbed before fighting the dragons was their shield or breastplate. It was essential to their fight with the dragon. They had to have it to protect themselves. Just in that very way is faith and love supposed to be to us. That whenever we come against any opposition at all we are supposed to cling and grab onto faith and love.

     Realistically, what does that look like? When someone says something rude and ridiculous, you grab your love breastplate. You defend with love. That might be turning the other cheek, but you put on love. You love and encourage that person. This is probably where I struggle the most. I am such a drama queen sometimes. After someone is mean- I immediately want to tell somebody. I feel insecure and hurt and I immediately go to someone else instead of putting on love.

     What does putting on faith look like? The thing I keep thinking about, is dreams. We all have a dream that we would love to do one day. It might be something like becoming the president of the USA, or opening a boutique, or owning a Ferrari, it could be anything. And most of the time, (at least in my experience) whenever we share these ideas and dreams with someone, they aren't nearly as excited as we are. They usually have something to spout back that isn't as encouraging as we had hoped. And this is usually when I get defensive or angry and usually end up crying because someone crushed my dream. But, what are we supposed to do? Put on the breastplate of faith. Believing the things that God has spoken over us. Believing the promises that the Lord left for us in His word.

     It's such a simple phrase. But it has such a life-changing truth to it. Put on faith and love in every circumstance. See what happens. My vow to my fellow bloggers is to this week whenever opposition comes against me to put on my breastplate of love and faith.

    Stand firm my friends, and be moldable by Your Creator.

<3B.

Grief. Isn't an equation.

      It's been a week since I blogged last. And to be honest, I am still numb. I don't know what to feel, what to write, what to say, or how to act. I've never dealt with death and grief. It's surreal. It goes against my heart. I don't want to believe that Pepaw is gone. Nor do I want to deal with moving on. It's pathetic almost. The other night, I put on regular mascara. That's a step, and I was proud. I was making a statement to myself that I wouldn't be sad. That I wouldn't cry. I, of course, cried. And am I mad that I cried? No. Because it is natural. I'm grieving. I looked at the steps of grief... and they didn't help. I don't know what will help- other than clinging to the One who has my heart in mind. Jesus.
     The only thing I know how to do is be emotional. Sometimes, it's not very loving. I get angry and irrational. I get mad over stupid things and don't want to be around anyone. And sometimes all I want/need- is simply for someone to love me and hold me. I get frustrated when I'm having fun. Why? Because I've forgotten that someone so special to me passed away. Should I get frustrated? No. Pepaw would want me to have fun, to laugh, and to continue living my life. But- I guess it's a part of grief.
      I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not a scholar. Nor do I have my doctorate, heck, not even a completed semester of college. I guess I'm at a point where I don't know what to do next with my grief. But I also think, that if someone told me what to do- I wouldn't like it very much.
      So what's my plan? To let out whatever emotion I need to. When I'm happy- I'm gonna be happy. When I need to cry and be sad... I'll do just that. I'll let myself process this loss in my life. It's not something that next week I'm gonna be over. It's something that years from now- I will still struggle with. Maybe not as often, but it'll come up. And that's a lot to get your head around when you've never been through it before.
      I'll stand firm on my Rock. My provider. I'll rest in His Heavenly arms. I know that He will breathe strength into me and that He will hold my hand. I know that Pepaw is in a place where there is no weeping, no hurt, and no pain. And for that, I rejoice. I'll take the memories, the laughs, the cries, the fun times and the hard times... and I'll always remember my Pepaw. I'll remember the things he taught me and I'll be sure to make him proud.
    

Pepaw.

Chelsea and Pepaw last year

I wrote this entire blog on 2 different occasions. First half before he passed and the second after. 

In Loving Memory of my precious Pepaw- William Joseph Gaddis Sr. most commonly known as Billy Sr. 

       Sometimes, it’s comforting to know that God has it all under control. Okay, not sometimes, it's good to know all the time. It is so good that no matter what- God’s got it. I don’t have to worry about things, he cares for me. He keeps his eye on the sparrow, so He’s got His eye on me. He knows what is best for me. And He has the power to reveal it to me. I still have the choice to listen and the choice to obey. But ultimately, God’s got this. 

Life hits. And when life does hit... God is still God. I got 2 calls from my dad yesterday and I wasn’t able to answer them. After the second call, I knew that something wasn’t right. I called him back and was told that my Pepaw (Billy Gaddis, my dad’s dad) was in ICU. He had been loosing fluids and they didn’t know what was wrong. Almost 24 hours later, here I am. Sitting here writing this blog watching Pepaw sleep in his ICU room. To tell you the truth, I hope I don’t get in trouble for having my MacBook out. But, he’s hanging in there. Bless his heart, he’s been through a rough few years medically. This time he had a build up of dried blood in his upper GI area. They cleaned it out, he’s had a minor heart attack, kidney failure, and his esophagus is irritated. Nonetheless, my pepaw is fighting. 

I don’t really even know what to blog about... I always blog about things in my life. And I’ve hit a tough spot. [I quit writing this around 3 oclock Tueday afternoon and got a call around 430 telling me to come to the hospital quick.]

Life has hit. My dearest Pepaw passed away Tuesday at around 5 o clock. It was simply his time to go. He had a hard fight the past 5 years and he was worn out. I’m back at writing this for not any particular reason. I guess to relieve some of my thoughts. It’s 6am and the reality of death is growing. I’ve never really had to experience death. I was so young when Memaw and Grand-Barbara died that this is a new thing for me. When I left the hospital yesterday I thought I was prepared for him to die. A couple of hours before that I had had some Pepaw and Brennen time. He was fast asleep, but that was probably best so he couldn’t argue with me. :) I stood by his hospital bed in ICU and laid my hands on him. I prayed the hardest prayer I’ve had to pray. A prayer of release. Not that I was cursing him, or praying “bad” things on him, but that I was releasing him to do whatever the Lord wanted. I knew that he was in pain and that he was suffering and I didn’t want to wish that back on him. As I patted his hair and he would rearrange himself I had a peace. Thy will not my will Lord. 

I didn’t think that it would be moments after I left the hospital room or did I think it would happen that night. But as my cousin pointed out, it was quitting time. Right around 5pm (and that’s early for Pepaw) he went to be with the Lord. He taught me how to work hard. He taught everyone how to work hard. Even though he would tell me that I had gained weight or that my hair was a mess I knew that was his way of loving me. And when I would leave his office he almost always said. “I love you Bren, you’re beautiful.” He was so precious to me. 

          I remember arguing with him in his red chevrolet pick up truck, with the cell phone in it, about him smoking while we were in the car. I’d be dramatic and act like I was about to choke to death while he would continue to smoke. I remember him taking me on a trip- I don’t remember the details, but I remember that we went. I remember making him stand outside to smoke at our house and laughing at him the whole time. When I would leave my cheek was almost always dripping with slobber from his kisses. I loved sitting on his lap when he'd let me, and I loved going to see him at work. 

He loved me in the best way he knew how. He was a good man. And I honor his life. I will always miss you Pepaw. 

Glimpses of Life

      Today is the day. Our 24 hour prayer day at Promiseland Metro Church is on it's way! We are 2 and a half hours into our 24 and I am already being changed and renewed. I explained this whole process like a mother being pregnant. I feel like I'm pregnant. And that today is delivery day. I'm not the only one either that feels this way. I believe whole heartedly that this prayer movement is birthing something special.
     So, here I am. In the delivery room. Watching a couple cling to each other while in prayer. Watching another young man sold out the Lord seeking his will. Glory! I am seeing glimpses and signs of life. :) It's already been conceived. And I'm beginning to feel the heartbeat of it all. I'm beginning to feel it kick. And I am so excited. I don't know what exactly God is going to birth during these 24 hours, but I do know it's going to be many things. Things for individuals, couples, families, church families, this city, our state, our nation, and people all across the world.
     I posted on my facebook that people could send me texts with prayer requests. I've already received over 10. I am blown away. The time is now. People are hungry. They want more. They know that there is more. Prayer is the avenue of change. Prayer is the road to freedom and breakthrough.
      What are the glimpses of life that you've seen in your own ministries? In your life? Seek after it. And walk into it. The glimpses are beautiful things. I pray I never take it for granted.



So Jesus, thank you for this beautiful day of prayer. Fill up this house with your glory. Overflow our lives. Speak to us. Give us the ears to hear. Give us the obedience to obey. Thank you Jesus. I love you Lord. Amen. 

Gotta Start Somewhere

       Tomorrow morning at 9am my church, Promiseland Metro Church, will begin it's very first full 24 hours in prayer. As I have been planning this "event" I continually get more and more excited; overwhelmed at times, but so excited. I believe with every ounce of my heart that this is the beginning of something that only God can do. I believe that our church is going to begin to grow rapidly. I believe that the Lord is going to move in such a big way. And, I am so excited to see what those precious 24 hours bring.
      I've been looking at big prayer movements, churches that have grown to thousands within 3 years, and rapid moves of God. It amazes and excites me. It makes me thirsty for a move of God so big that the only explanation is "God did it." And I believe it can and will happen. I declare it over Promiseland Ministries and over my own life. But the thing that I have to remind myself instead of getting overwhelmed, is it started somewhere.
      Everything... starts somewhere. Someone had to have had a vision. Walmart, Gap, and Texas Roadhouse all started from someone with a vision and a dream. They wanted it. They worked, sweated, prayed, and did everything that they could to get their "thing" started. It's the same thing with our dreams and visions that the Lord has given us. We have to work towards it... move forward with it.
      For example, one of my life goals is to write a book. I can't simply talk about it, I must begin to write it. (I have 3 pages done, by the way. :)) And I want Promiseland Ministries to grow, I have caught the vision that Pastor Jeff and Melissa have for their church- and I want to do everything that I can to help that vision that the Lord has given them come true. So we work at it. We walk into what God has called us to. We pray and seek God's guidance in moving forward. We plan according to what He has spoken to us. We prepare for the prophesies over our church and our own lives.
      I've had this skewed view of this concept before I fully realized what it meant... I thought, "Well, God told me He'd do it, so I'll sit back and watch." And, sometimes He does.... but other times, and most of the time, He wants you to pursue it. To go after the desires and dreams He's placed in our lives. To walk into our calling. Ephesians 2:10 instructs us to do so.

 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. 

     While I prepare for tomorrows 24 hour prayer service, continue writing my book, and helping with Promiseland, I urge you to walk into what God is calling you to. Step by step. It has to start somewhere. 

Love. 

God, will You clean up my mess?

       I had to ask the Lord to clean up my mess today. A mess I made on my own. He trusted me with something and I made a mess of it. A sticky, horrible mess. There are lots of sticky hands going around because of the mess I made. Embarrassing and humbling all at the same time. And I have no idea how to clean it up. As I was praying about it this morning, I just said, Lord- will you clean up my mess? I'm helpless, I don't know where to start or even how to start. I know it's my mess, but could you clean it up? I was expecting a resounding, make me feel good, "Yes, daughter, I love you! I'll do anything for you. This isn't a mess!" from my Father…. but instead I got silence…. Silence… Silence... Silence... and then "Psalm 46". God is MY refuge and MY strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble, I will not fear. God is still God despite my mess. And God is still 100% capable of restoring it.  Sometimes, there are messes that we just don't know how to clean up. You know when a toddler spills something.... and they try to pick it up but they just make a bigger mess.... that's how I feel in this situation. 

      But, God is still God. And in that I can rest. I can "be still and know that He is God" as the psalmist says. I read Psalm 46 in the Message and liked how it is worded:

^1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. 

   We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, 

      courageous in seastorm and earthquake, 

   Before the rush and roar of oceans, 

      the tremors that shift mountains.

   Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, 

      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. 

 ^4-6 River fountains splash joy, cooling God's city, 

      this sacred haunt of the Most High. 

   God lives here, the streets are safe, 

      God at your service from crack of dawn. 

   Godless nations rant and rave, kings and kingdoms threaten, 

      but Earth does anything he says. 

 ⁷ Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, 

      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. 

 ^8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God! 

      He plants flowers and trees all over the earth, 

   Bans war from pole to pole, 

      breaks all the weapons across his knee. 

   "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, 

      loving look at me, your High God, 

      above politics, above everything." 

 ¹¹ Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, 

      God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

     God is God. He is my protector. Provider. Healer. And, today, he is my "cleaner". He's picking up my mess. Don't be afraid to allow God to clean up your mess. To clean up your wounds. Allow God to be God and rest in being a child of God. Some messes I am perfectly able to clean up, and some messes I can do one thing to "help" Him..... but other times, it's just too much. He takes over. And I find my peace... even in the midst of a disaster.