Freedom in Fire.

This morning I have been playing pretend mommy but with 3 (real) sweet kiddos (also known as babysitting). As I was waiting for them to wake up I got out my bible and asked the Lord where He wanted me to read. Daniel 3 came to mind and I flipped there. I see the heading, "The Image of Gold and the Fiery Furnace" and I'll admit, I cringed. I'm not much on history, so the Old Testament is hard for me to read.... especially when they start talking about measurements and all these names that I can't pronounce. But I felt like God was going to speak into me through this passage so I read. I honestly couldn't tell you the background without going back and looking it up again.... but the 3 amigos: Shadrach, Meshach and Abedenego got thrown into a fire for standing up for the Lord and not bowing down to the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.
      Yep, I said it..... fire! Thrown into a fiery furnace that got turned up so they would for sure die. The king questioned them and asked them once again to bow down to the image and they said no. The spoke in confidence that God would save them from the fiery furnace. The king was angry with them so the furnace was turned up 7 times higher than the orginal heat. He ordered them to be thrown in (tied up together) The gaurds did as told and took them to the furnace. The gaurds that threw them in didn't survive because of the heat........ but the 3 amigos.... walked in freedom. Not tied up. Walking in freedom. When the king looked back he saw 4 men walking in the furnace.
      The Lord had sent an angel. The 3 amigos and an angel hanging in the furnace in complete freedom. This occurance changed the king's life and I'm sure had a huge impact on history. These 3 men changed culture. Even in the midst of fire they were still able to walk in freedom.
     So- no matter what attack is coming against you, whatever you're going through- there is freedom that you can walk in. Choose God. Choose Freedom. It's that simple. Life isn't always easy.... but it's a lot easier to make it through the circumstances with God on your side.
     If God is on Your side, who can be against you? If God is on your side, who can be afraid?

Where the Spirit of the Lord is- there is freedom.

JUSTIFICAsin.

     Conviction and sinning are not the same thing. You can sin and not have conviction. I've always tried to justify my sin with saying, "Well, I'm just not convicted about that." These past few weeks I've learned that that is a character flaw and that is me being content with living in sin. Which, is no bueno!
     I refuse to live in sin. That is my heart's desire. To be sinless. Granted, I mess up, please do not get me wrong. I am working on quite a few things right now... and I will continually be a work in progress. However, I have come to the realization that sin is sin and God doesn't like it, so I need to stop.
     For example, speeding. Yep. I'm calling myself out. I was on a roll for a while, and I wasn't speeding... but with life getting busier- I'm back in the habit of it. But, it's a law..... so I must obey it. So- if you're riding with me in the car- please feel free to call me out on speeding. ;)
      I/ we must get to the place in our lives where we don't go off of conviction, but we go off of the heart of God. If it is not pleasing to God then I must not do it, regardless of if I feel bad about it. My jealous heart must quit being jealous. Jealousy is not of God... so it shouldn't be of me. I must be faithful with the little things in my life so that I can handle the big things.

     I don't know if that made sense to you........ or it may have just been a rant........ but it's something that has been so heavy on my heart lately. Justification of sin is a sin. It's a character flaw. And I need to work on it.

My Wish List

     I have some things that I would love to have, some are ridiculous and only by a miracle could I actually own them.. and then some are super easy and doable. Have fun knowing my secret wish list. :)

Hot nails. Fo sho. 

 iPhone 4.... 

 iPad. it'd be so much easier than carrying my MacBook. dumb, I know. 

Yep, nothing but a miracle would get me this. A LV oversized tote purse.... I'm not even into name brand purses, but something about the way it looks, I just like it. 

I am into name brand jeans. Some Mek Straight Leg jeans would be awesome. 

I'll take a gas card LOADED with this one. 

Cute riding boots. 

Canon 7D. I need to sell my Nikon. 

Cute jacket. 

Yummmmmy coca cola. 

I think they are cute. And cozy. 

And, a Kindle. 

Yep, now you know a little more about me and my unrealistic/ and some of them just stupid things that I want. But it's the truth. Love me or leave me.....

<3B

Unseen Things

     Have you ever been in a position where you do the things that no one sees? And then no one even notices? You do all the behind the scenes work that builds the foundation for someone else to come in and do something that didn't take much preparation and they get all the fame for it. It's no fun. I was having a pity party the other day and a lightbulb went off in my head.
     Think of the things that God does that He doesn't get thanked for. Think of the prayers He answers without a thank you. What about the things He does to protect us. That we aren't even aware of. I believe He does it. I believe that He will save me from some things that should have came into my path but He protects me from it. Or you've heard the stories where a "bad guy" was going to break in a car, or rape a girl in a dark alley when she was walking alone but they didn't because they said someone was there. Perhaps, the Lord sent an angel to protect us from that.
     Sometimes we think that the Lord isn't doing anything for us, or that He isn't answering our prayers. But He is. And sometimes he's protecting you from having to say a prayer. Mind blowing thought, right? We all have something to be thankful for. God is moving inside of you, He is at work in Your life, He sees the things you do in the secret place. He loves you.

Holiness

     A few years ago I read the first chapter of a book that changed my life. I don't remember a certain quote or anything like that in the book read, and I actually just tried to read the first chapter again and got bored with it and put it down. But it changed my life- the concept I learned from that first chapter, changed my life. A call to holiness. (The book is "Holiness" The heart God purifies. by Nancy DeMoss)
     A life of mediocracy and just getting by isn't going to cut it. As children of God, we are called to life of holiness. Not perfection, holiness. A life totally devoted to God. God will not call you to something that He  won't enable you to do.  He is fully capable of empowering you to do His will. As I read through the pages of the book now this quote sticks out- "True holiness is cultivated in the concept of a relationship with God. His love for us moves us to reject all lesser loves and all the fleeting delights sin can offer."

     We are called to represent Christ in every aspect of our life. It is the reality of living out this love God has given us from the inside out. Allowing our hearts to be the motivation to "do good things". Not our minds or society that tell us it's the "right" thing. But opening yourself up to a move of God in your life so big that it has to radiate out in a pure and genuine manner. 

     

"And yes, Holiness requires intensity and intentionality!" -Hebrews 12:14

    It's a choice that we make. And it's one that brings life and freedom. The decision to choose holiness is a decision that will change your life in the best way possible. I am not a scholar on holiness, in my life I simply try to choose the things that Jesus himself would choose. I'm not perfect, I mess up. But, I'm getting better. And that's the concept. Constantly growing. Constantly moving forward. And constantly being stretched by truth. 

     The book really isn't that much of a bore- I'm just ancy right now, so pick it up and read it. It'll go more in depth on the topic of holiness. But for now- When you choose purity and holiness you choose freedom. 

Purity Brings Freedom.

     One of my biggest passions in life is purity. The other one is holiness. Holiness and purity. I believe as children of the Most High God that we are called to a life that pursues both of these. They are verbs in and  of themselves. It's a call to action. I'm going to break this blog into two posts. Today's we'll talk about purity.

     This whole week my life has been screaming the word purity at me. Purity in every aspect of my life... not just refraining from sex. Dictionary.com gives this definition: freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc. Purity is an invitation from God to become like him. In 1 John 3:3 it says, "Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure." We are to become like Christ, so we are to purify ourselves. To free ourselves from anything that will pollute it. It's a process. It's a daily decision, and most days its multiple decisions to purify ourselves. It's a chocie to live accoriding to His word. (Psalm 119:9).

 

     One of my focuses is to be pure in heart. I want my life to be a life that is lived out from the inside. I want my insides to be so pure. My thoughts, my desires, my everything- to be pure. This may be extreme, but I firmly believe that purity brings freedom. And I want to live a life of freedom. When I talk to someone and they are sharing their heart with me, I want to genuinely be interested, not faking it till I make it. It's a daily process of checking my heart to see if it's in lines with God's. Checking if my life is in alignment to heavens. I want heaven to invade this earth, and my heart.

 

     The other part of purity is fleeing from sexual immorality. Yep, sex. The other day I had a woman of God ask me why I was waiting to have sex until my wedding night. And I had to stop and really think of what my heart's motives and desires were for waiting. So this is the response I sent her:

 

     "I have always wanted to wait, basically, because my parents engraved it in my head that I had to wait and that sex was bad. I mean, dad gave me a purity ring when I was 16- I was stuck for waiting if I was going to wear the ring. ;) So I just knew that I had/have to wait. It never really became my hearts desire until I seriously began praying for my husband. One day I was praying for this ideal great man for me to marry and the Lord spoke to me in a very Jesus voice. :) And checked me and said- "Are you the type of woman that this man your praying for deserves?"
      After this encounter I immediately checked myself and my reasoning for waiting to have sex. I decided on that day that the next guy I kissed/dated would be my husband. I did this because I had to get extreme with myself- I knew that if I didnt that it would be a constant problem for me. [I know that God has the power to reveal to my future husband and myself that we are the ones He designed each other for. I know that I know that I know that God can handle this. He can give my man the courage to approach me, and we can navigate our ways through this cycle of courting/dating with his help and his wisdom.] I am in the process of working on me right now- and preparing myself as the type of woman that the husband I desire deserves.

But here are my top reasons to wait:
-It's biblical. Jesus said it. I do it.
-My husband deserves a WHOLE me. Not a Brennen that has been given to man after man.
-On my wedding night I only want to think about my husband. I don't want any other images in my head of another man. (This goes into pornography/ oral sex/ roaming hands/ all of that..... none of that crap- I say it's sex to.)
-Even if I know that it is my husband and we aren't married yet- I will still wait. Why? Because marriage is designed specifically for marriage. When you have sex with someone you become soul ties. And a part of you is taken with them. You remember them forever. In my marriage I want to give my husband the best that I can give him.
-It's sexy. To say that you are a virgin is sexy. To say that you are waiting for the man God has for you is even more sexy. If I do say so myself, I think it is for a guy to say it.... so I'd say the same for women too. :) Yep. You can be holy and sexy, just saying.
-Obedience to God. When you obey God- He honors that. Obedience brings breakthrough. It's just a good thing. I want a marriage of breakthrough, so I choose to honor my husband even before it's been revealed that he is my husband.

 

 

     It's a choice, as women we're called to bring our husbands good, not harm, all the day of our lives. (Pr. 31:12) So, all the days of my life- I choose to wait for him. I choose to honor him. And I believe that God will honor that. And that my man will be [an extremely gorgeous] man of God. And that he will be so glad I chose the road of purity.

     Please know that God is also a God of redemption. And if you have messed up in the past- that God forgives you. Nothing that you have done is too much for God to handle. He loves you exactly where you are and He can bring you through it. If you have had sex before or have just gone too far- then I believe that God can make you new. You are a new creation- the old is gone, and that you can choose from this point on that you will live a life of purity. And your purity will bring freedom.

     If you can't tell this is my passion. I'm in the process of writing a book for it, and I may even include this blog entry in my book. I hope that you know that I am not perfect. I mess up and will always be in the learning process of living a life of purity. Sometimes my heart is the farthest thing from pure, but it's a process and it's a daily decision. And I believe it's possible. God will not call you to anything you can't handle with Him. Everyone has a past, but everyone has a future... allow God to do something amazing with your future.

 

:)B

God's giftings.

Guessssss what!? I found something I can do with my talents and gifting to make some money! For the holiday season I will be offering myself to decorate your Christmas tree! I can use what you have at home- or I'd be more than happy to go and pick out all new ornaments for you. Check out my facebook page and see the small fun tree I did today for my work! Message me on there if ya want me to help ya out! :) AND..... I will also wrap your Christmas presents. I worked in a fabulous boutique and learned how to wrap like a pro- and make a bow out of a ribbon.... so let me know if you want my skills ;).

Learning.

     For the first time in a while, I am in a place where I don't exactly know what I'm doing. I don't have it all together. I'm in a constant state of learning and also in a constant state of messing up. I'm not used to being "administrative" all the time. Granted, I am fully capable and can do it well and have experience. But most of the time only with one event, not six.  I am on a new adventure of learning how to be all the roles that I am in. Leader, servant, admin, worshipper, barista, etc, etc... And it's difficult. But what I am learning is that I have to learn. I have to be teachable. Or else, I will not prosper in my roles.
     In Proverbs 14:6 (MSG) it says, "Cynics look high and low for wisdom- and never find it; the open-minded find it right on their doorstep!" I can not be the skeptical Brennen. My life will not work like that, I will be frustrated and angry all of the time. I have to be open-minded to new ideas, new ways of doing things, and new processes. Being teachable is one of the most important things in my walk with God. If I am not teachable then how will I ever grow?
     To be teachable also means you have to be willing to "unteach" yourself some things as well. With learning comes unlearning. And this is where I struggle. Because it becomes an internal battle. A battle of the mind most of the time for me. I have to take thoughts captive, replace them with truth, and act in truth. I have to make my mind up that I am going to learn this new truth. Your internal lifestyle determines your external actions.  What you decide in your mind will come out. It's just a truth.
     It's a lifestyle of surrender that brings freedom. Surrender to everything that once was and allowing God to redefine it for you. Some things from the past will still remain, because it's still truth, but some things will be replaced with something far greater. Soak it in. Soak it up. Live it out. Inside to the outside.

Blogging: Solution to my Dilemma

     One of the things that I find myself talking about constantly is people's passions. What makes them come alive. What they love to do. One of the things we believe and teach at my church is to use the God given passions for his glory and also for an income. For the past month I have been searching my brain for what makes me come alive. And to be honest, I'm worn out. Why?
     I'll share an example. Today, I got to hold the sweetest 4(ish) month old baby for a good little bit. I got to watch him fall asleep. And I came alive. Example 2. His name is Valor, and he's 2 years old. He saw Chelsea (twin) at church when he first came in and got really excited and was smiling and pointing- then when he looked closer he realized it wasn't "Bennen" and got sad. But when I waved- he got excited again. And I came alive.
     So why am I worn out? Because one of the things I desire is not yet mine. I am content and fully aware that God will bring- first, a husband into my life at the right timing. And after that will bring children. And that He has the perfect plan, timing, and man for me. But it's this waiting process that I get a little tired. And this afternoon as I held the baby and then later on played with sweet Valor I realized what made me come alive. Pretending to be a mom.
     I also talked to a mother today about her young daughter who was very nurturing. She said she got her a kitty so she'd have something to take care of... brilliant! The mom is helping her daughter develop one of the sweetest personality traits/ gifts in her life. And that is exactly what I need to do. God has given me this gift. He has given me this desire and love to care for a husband and children. But in this time of waiting- I can help "nurture" other things. I can always play pretend mommy. There are plenty of things and people that need to be loved. So I will do just that. I am no longer worn out. God will show me and teach me how I can make an income doing this...... or he'll reveal another passion in my life... I am certain of it. :)

AND..... this waiting process is actually an anointing process..... maybe I'll blog about that soon....

     I will add that I am horrible at laundry. And I apologize to my husband and my kids in advance for it. Maybe by then I'll be good at it. ;)

     I have blogged myself through this dilemma. Score.

Broken Volume Control.

     You never realize the things that bring so much joy to your life until it's gone. In July my gorgeous [identical] twin sister used my car while I was in LA. When I got home and got in the car- she began to giggle. And then gave me this sheepish "I did something wrong face." And explained to me that somehow my volume button broke on my radio. 3 months later, I am still grieving the death of my volume button. It is stuck at a comfortable volume 10. Which, is great when I have a headache, or if someone is in the car where there is uncomfortable silence. However, it is not so great when I'm trying to talk on the phone or when I simply want to JAM to some music. I have become fully aware of my inability to sing consistently or good. And quite frankly, I'm ready to be able to sing again without hearing myself. :)

     I was going to write this blog on something totally different then what is about to come out of these quickly moving fingers. The Lord just quickened my spirit and let me in on a revelation. There are "volume buttons" in my life that need to be broken at a comfortable 10. Why? So I can see some of my faults. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my volume button on life is on mute! See my last blog post and you can realize that I am in a state of change. God has revealed to me that I am a control freak and a few other things on how I live my life that are not so Godly.

     It's so easy to just turn it up and ignore it. To drown it out. Pay no attention to it. And let it get worst. But God has a different plan. It's not that He wants to make you feel horrible- it's that it is simply a part of life. We live and we learn. We make mistakes, we stand up, and move on. My precious Savior wants the best for me. And sometimes I have to come to a reality of the things I'm struggling with so I can be redeemed. Redemption is the Lord's heart cry. He wants you back. He wants to restore and rebuild.

     What are the things you cover up? It's not bad to be vulnerable. It brings you to a place of intimacy with the Lord. I am by no means an expert on this, or I would have realized years ago my control problems. Because it's been going on since birth. For real. That's how bad it is. :) Feel free to pray for me this week as I let go and Let God take care of things for me. As I draw people toward instead of pushing them away when things don't go my way. It goes against everything I have taught my mind. My God is so capable of redeeming, restoring, loving, teaching, comforting, and rebuilding me. Just like He's capable of doing the same for you.

Heaven invades Brennen.

     My mind is on overload right now. I am being stretched and pulled in the best way possible. God has wrecked my life for the ordinary. These past 2 weeks have been crazy good for me. Not the easiest by any means, but... so good. Why? Because I am on information/ revelation download from the Lord. He is teaching me and totally rearranging my mindset to be His mindset. It's a total brainwashing experience. I'm pretty sure that makes some of you step back and wonder if I'm experiencing Jesus or something psycho.
     No worries...... it's all Jesus. It is simply the renewing of the mind process. My mind just needs a lot of renewing. I have some bad "mind" habits that have to be broken. And it has totally wrecked my life. Forgive me if you are tripping out while you sit reading my blog- that is normally reader friendly and polite. But God is wrecking my life and I LOVE it! And I'm praying that God wrecks yours in the best way possible!

Here are some things that are changing my life:
-I was not made to fit God into a box. God is so much bigger than what I can imagine.

-I must allow Him to freely work through my life. Exactly where I am at. I need to get to the place where I submit to His will even in the middle of Target. If God prompts.. I must obey.

-Sometimes, things don't make sense. Choose Jesus. He makes sense.

-I must love people the way God loves me. God does not control me. I must stop controlling people.

-My life must be lived from an inward out change. Not outward in... that will never last.

-It is okay to change. It is okay to be wrong. God is not afraid of my mistakes at all. He can pick me back up when I fail.

-I must pursue the life of Jesus. Heaven is my example.

-My waiting is also an anointing process. God is preparing the anointed husband/job/ opportunities/ etc. for me. I am required to continue to pursue the things He's calling me to.


     And there is so much more that I am learning that is changing my carnal mindset. My heart's desire is to be more like Christ. But the thing I am learning- is that doesn't take me loosing all of the "Brennen" in me. He wants to use me and my passions to further His kingdom. He wants me to love people the best that I can while I pursue a lifestyle of holiness and of Jesus. I want more of Him in me. I want to be brainwashed by my Savior. And if that means I'm wrecked for life then I'll be wrecked for life. But Heaven is invading my life and I LOVE IT. :)