I have decided to attempt something that will be very challenging to me. I read about it on another ladies blog... B90x. You read through the entire bible in 90 days. This is kind of crazy to me.. and I really am not sure what makes me want to do this, other than a desire to know God- know his heart- know his desires. I am going to push though these 3 months and try to read for understanding and wisdom. I believe that God will reveal himself to me clearly and in ways I haven't imagined. So I have made it to Day 2 successfully. I also am reading through the Bible chronologically, which I am so very excited about. We did a workshop in one of the classes in Panama on David, and one of his psalms was in there admist the stories and I loved knowing why David was praying what he was praying. So I am excited to learn about the timeline of the Bible.
Today my reading was on Job.. 16 chapters... (Day 2... Job was early on in the Bible) And in the midst of these 16 chapters a lot happens to Job. He is stripped of everything he has- his job, his family, his health, his money, everything. So three friends come to comfort him. I tried to imagine myself going through that in the extent that Job went through it. And then having friends come... and one of the things I realized is that through all of Job's cries to God all he wanted was to hear from God. His friends offered him advice but that wouldn't do. He wanted to hear the voice of God.
Where my reading stopped today he was still crying out to God. And frustrated that his friends weren't telling him what he wanted/needed to hear. I find myself doing the same thing Job is doing. He wants to hear from his friends what God is trying to say. But God's saying- "No, I want you to want to hear through me." So many times I pray- and I pray to receive prophesies, dreams, words from my peers, visions... all of this. And lately I feel like God has been whispering to me- "Brennen, all of this is good and I will give these things to you. But I want you to desire my voice, directly from me. I want you to listen to me first. Give me time to talk. It may take a little bit- there's some battling going on... You are in this time for a reason. Listen. Wait. Don't get impatient. Wait on me."
I don't know if this even makes sense to anyone else. But it does to me. All of those things are ways that God speaks to me and other people. But I, Brennen, have gotten caught up in those things- instead of getting caught up in the Holy Presence of the Almighty God.
Lord- Speak directly to me, from your mouth to my ears. Give me the ears to hear, open up my deaf ears to hear your voice. Help me to get lost in You and not lost in the "stuff". I love you Lord. Amen.