|Chelsea and Pepaw last year|
I wrote this entire blog on 2 different occasions. First half before he passed and the second after.
In Loving Memory of my precious Pepaw- William Joseph Gaddis Sr. most commonly known as Billy Sr.
Sometimes, it’s comforting to know that God has it all under control. Okay, not sometimes, it's good to know all the time. It is so good that no matter what- God’s got it. I don’t have to worry about things, he cares for me. He keeps his eye on the sparrow, so He’s got His eye on me. He knows what is best for me. And He has the power to reveal it to me. I still have the choice to listen and the choice to obey. But ultimately, God’s got this.
Life hits. And when life does hit... God is still God. I got 2 calls from my dad yesterday and I wasn’t able to answer them. After the second call, I knew that something wasn’t right. I called him back and was told that my Pepaw (Billy Gaddis, my dad’s dad) was in ICU. He had been loosing fluids and they didn’t know what was wrong. Almost 24 hours later, here I am. Sitting here writing this blog watching Pepaw sleep in his ICU room. To tell you the truth, I hope I don’t get in trouble for having my MacBook out. But, he’s hanging in there. Bless his heart, he’s been through a rough few years medically. This time he had a build up of dried blood in his upper GI area. They cleaned it out, he’s had a minor heart attack, kidney failure, and his esophagus is irritated. Nonetheless, my pepaw is fighting.
I don’t really even know what to blog about... I always blog about things in my life. And I’ve hit a tough spot. [I quit writing this around 3 oclock Tueday afternoon and got a call around 430 telling me to come to the hospital quick.]
Life has hit. My dearest Pepaw passed away Tuesday at around 5 o clock. It was simply his time to go. He had a hard fight the past 5 years and he was worn out. I’m back at writing this for not any particular reason. I guess to relieve some of my thoughts. It’s 6am and the reality of death is growing. I’ve never really had to experience death. I was so young when Memaw and Grand-Barbara died that this is a new thing for me. When I left the hospital yesterday I thought I was prepared for him to die. A couple of hours before that I had had some Pepaw and Brennen time. He was fast asleep, but that was probably best so he couldn’t argue with me. :) I stood by his hospital bed in ICU and laid my hands on him. I prayed the hardest prayer I’ve had to pray. A prayer of release. Not that I was cursing him, or praying “bad” things on him, but that I was releasing him to do whatever the Lord wanted. I knew that he was in pain and that he was suffering and I didn’t want to wish that back on him. As I patted his hair and he would rearrange himself I had a peace. Thy will not my will Lord.
I didn’t think that it would be moments after I left the hospital room or did I think it would happen that night. But as my cousin pointed out, it was quitting time. Right around 5pm (and that’s early for Pepaw) he went to be with the Lord. He taught me how to work hard. He taught everyone how to work hard. Even though he would tell me that I had gained weight or that my hair was a mess I knew that was his way of loving me. And when I would leave his office he almost always said. “I love you Bren, you’re beautiful.” He was so precious to me.
I remember arguing with him in his red chevrolet pick up truck, with the cell phone in it, about him smoking while we were in the car. I’d be dramatic and act like I was about to choke to death while he would continue to smoke. I remember him taking me on a trip- I don’t remember the details, but I remember that we went. I remember making him stand outside to smoke at our house and laughing at him the whole time. When I would leave my cheek was almost always dripping with slobber from his kisses. I loved sitting on his lap when he'd let me, and I loved going to see him at work.
He loved me in the best way he knew how. He was a good man. And I honor his life. I will always miss you Pepaw.