“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Pepaw.

Chelsea and Pepaw last year


I wrote this entire blog on 2 different occasions. First half before he passed and the second after. 

In Loving Memory of my precious Pepaw- William Joseph Gaddis Sr. most commonly known as Billy Sr. 

       Sometimes, it’s comforting to know that God has it all under control. Okay, not sometimes, it's good to know all the time. It is so good that no matter what- God’s got it. I don’t have to worry about things, he cares for me. He keeps his eye on the sparrow, so He’s got His eye on me. He knows what is best for me. And He has the power to reveal it to me. I still have the choice to listen and the choice to obey. But ultimately, God’s got this. 
Life hits. And when life does hit... God is still God. I got 2 calls from my dad yesterday and I wasn’t able to answer them. After the second call, I knew that something wasn’t right. I called him back and was told that my Pepaw (Billy Gaddis, my dad’s dad) was in ICU. He had been loosing fluids and they didn’t know what was wrong. Almost 24 hours later, here I am. Sitting here writing this blog watching Pepaw sleep in his ICU room. To tell you the truth, I hope I don’t get in trouble for having my MacBook out. But, he’s hanging in there. Bless his heart, he’s been through a rough few years medically. This time he had a build up of dried blood in his upper GI area. They cleaned it out, he’s had a minor heart attack, kidney failure, and his esophagus is irritated. Nonetheless, my pepaw is fighting. 
I don’t really even know what to blog about... I always blog about things in my life. And I’ve hit a tough spot. [I quit writing this around 3 oclock Tueday afternoon and got a call around 430 telling me to come to the hospital quick.]
Life has hit. My dearest Pepaw passed away Tuesday at around 5 o clock. It was simply his time to go. He had a hard fight the past 5 years and he was worn out. I’m back at writing this for not any particular reason. I guess to relieve some of my thoughts. It’s 6am and the reality of death is growing. I’ve never really had to experience death. I was so young when Memaw and Grand-Barbara died that this is a new thing for me. When I left the hospital yesterday I thought I was prepared for him to die. A couple of hours before that I had had some Pepaw and Brennen time. He was fast asleep, but that was probably best so he couldn’t argue with me. :) I stood by his hospital bed in ICU and laid my hands on him. I prayed the hardest prayer I’ve had to pray. A prayer of release. Not that I was cursing him, or praying “bad” things on him, but that I was releasing him to do whatever the Lord wanted. I knew that he was in pain and that he was suffering and I didn’t want to wish that back on him. As I patted his hair and he would rearrange himself I had a peace. Thy will not my will Lord. 
I didn’t think that it would be moments after I left the hospital room or did I think it would happen that night. But as my cousin pointed out, it was quitting time. Right around 5pm (and that’s early for Pepaw) he went to be with the Lord. He taught me how to work hard. He taught everyone how to work hard. Even though he would tell me that I had gained weight or that my hair was a mess I knew that was his way of loving me. And when I would leave his office he almost always said. “I love you Bren, you’re beautiful.” He was so precious to me. 
          I remember arguing with him in his red chevrolet pick up truck, with the cell phone in it, about him smoking while we were in the car. I’d be dramatic and act like I was about to choke to death while he would continue to smoke. I remember him taking me on a trip- I don’t remember the details, but I remember that we went. I remember making him stand outside to smoke at our house and laughing at him the whole time. When I would leave my cheek was almost always dripping with slobber from his kisses. I loved sitting on his lap when he'd let me, and I loved going to see him at work. 
He loved me in the best way he knew how. He was a good man. And I honor his life. I will always miss you Pepaw. 

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Simple Beautiful.. I loved every word. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my papaw at 10 and my mamaw a couple yrs ago they were just ready to meet Jesus. My dad's and mom's heath are both failing and though I know the Lord heals and has brought them thru so much sickness I need to be ready to release them to his will not mine. This has really touched me and I pray that the days ahead are full of fun memories that will bring you peace that will ease the pain. Blessings Anita Crisp

Anonymous said...

Brennan,

I am so sorry for your loss. Death is a part of life we expect to experience (of course!) but when it comes to family (and friends)are we ever ready. I have experienced the sudden loss of a loved one (Matthew and Aaron's dad) and watched my dad struggle and die from cancer...neither were easy. What gives me peace is that I KNOW they are with MY (OUR) God. Family and friends will see you through this tough time and the heart ache will ease as time passes but the memories will last a LIFETIME!! Love you and your family!! Kathy Peach

Anonymous said...

Brennan

This is amazing, love it so much. For all that read this, you will change their lives. Isn't that what life is all about? God is so proud and helped you write this to help you heal. The more you talk about this loss and the memories, the faster your heart will heal. You are so right and so it Kathy's comment above. It is all in God's hands and while we hurt and are saddened when we lose a loved one (friend or family) and it isn't easy, we can always count on God to help us through the tough times.
Love you and your family too. Natalie Burton

James said...

Brennan,
Your words were so sweet and I know a comfort to your family and to all who knew your PePaw. Just know that when he went to be with the Lord that he was made perfect and God had a beautiful banquet table set for your Pepaw's arrival.

Thoughts and prayers continue to be with your family during this time of loss and in the days ahead.
Blessings and Peace, April Hawkins

Anonymous said...

Brennan,
This is a wonderful way for you to honor your PePaw. I could totally relate to your story...it was kind of the same way in the hospital with my Granny and me. You always think you're prepared, but it still has a sense of loss. I remember thinking as I saw her last that her spirit was already gone. What was left was a vessel, but she was now comfortable and happy in heaven.
If you need anything, we are here for you:)
Love ya!
Adrianne

Anonymous said...

Brennan,

You have been so blessed with a great and wonderful Grandfather and family.
Everyday as we come into this world that God has given to us, we are living a little, and dying a little. I suppose it is in between what matters. I beleive that your love for your Grandfather is a testament to him and his life, led by God. I am sorry for your loss, and your family's loss, but am happy for his reward and his life....
May the memories and his life give you all comfort...we live by example, and now you have his example to continue to make him, and God happy through the small things we do each day. Live and do to others what is right ...and as you said...God is always in control and is watching over us.
May God's outstretched arms give you and your family comfort & uplifting peace.
My thoughts are with you all

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful tribute to Billy Sr. Your crafting of words stirs my heart when you share how God works in your life. You are a great encourager simply by your faith. I'm always inspired after reading your blogs and ashamed as you remind me God will always take care of me. I pray God will bless you and your family during this grieving time in your life. Death isn't the end...it's the beginning of the rest of his eternal life. One day you will see him again as he stands at the door to welcome you home with him.

Blessings,
Carol Wallace

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written Brennen. So touching. Im praying for you and your family. I will continue to do so. What a great man he seemed to be!!!! YOu are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray peace, comfort, and strength. God holds you and your family in His hands and close to His heart. May you feel the comfort of the Holy spirit and the prayers and love of your Heavenly Father, family & friends! Love you, Tara Smith

Anonymous said...

Brennan, You have truly been blessed with such insight. When you stood by your pepaws bed and prayed that prayer, he heard every word and he knew that he had been released to leave this weary old world and that his heavenly father was awaiting his arrival with open arms. I experienced this same thing with my sweet Mother. You have such precious memories! Hold them close to your heart. It was so refreshing this afternoon at the funeral home because instead of sadness, there was celebration! God Bless each one of your family and God Bless your continued works! Love you, Brenda Story

Anonymous said...

Brennen,
I love how you share your heart to everyone!. Thank you!
I love you so much and am so proud of you. Keep on writing and encouraging us all.
momma

Anonymous said...

Beautiful-- simply Beautiful!! Brennen you truly have a gift!! You are an awesome young lady!! God will see you all thru this! Prays for the entire family!! Love you all!

Memat